last year's christmas decor at orchard seemed to have been put up just moments ago.
now, christmas is here again and the year is coming to an end.
time really flies.
from a school boy to a soldier boy.
last christmas felt like yesterday.
i could vividly remember the excitement i felt for christmas, and 'hurry x'mas' by l'arc really brought me into the festive moood.
playing around in snow, feeling the cool of winter, everywhere covered in white..

this christmas?
a wet and green one.
playing around in mud, feeling the scorching heat of the day and drenched in sweat.
totally no mood for christmas.

ohhhhhhhh well.

the year is coming to an end..
and it's freaking fast!
ending of my internship, graduating from poly, going overseas to hk, working part-time at SVC, achieving silver for NAPFA test, getting my driving license (2 attempts!!), organising youth camp, taking part in renewal idol.
all were the fun times of this year.
until july enlistment.
BMT, SISPEC, and now armour infantry training.
it's not all that bad and un-enjoyable in the army.
there are really bad times, but just that in contrast with the bad times there are good ones as well.... haha.

ahhhh... come 2010, i will be a free man!
8th may 2010.
080510.
the 6 lucky number.
but before the magical 6 digit arrives, i had better get my life organised.
i should start looking for a uni now, despite my atrocious result!

*knock knock* set your azimuth please.

What am i so afraid of?
there is just too much uncertainty in life.
nothing seems to be confirmed until i've decided on my next move.
and when i decide on my next move, there is a great sense of uncertainty.
the fear of rejection, the fear of embarrassment, the fear of being seen as stupid.

how will i manage my life next time?
after attending kk and huiling's wedding today, it really provoked me to think of marriage as quite a scary thing.
i will have to be independent.
no more depending on my parents to feed me, but rather i'll be the one feeding others.
how will i be able to feed others when i myself is not fed?
what would i be doing in a few years time?
will my job be secure in the future to support my family next time?
looking at my dad, i guess i have to work hard for the things i want.
i guess in life there's still room for trial and error.
i guess, i'm just afraid of falling down.