sometimes, i just want to run away.
it seems like after a certain point, i don't know what to do.
it's like driving a manual car.
maintaining the rpm and slowly releasing the clutch trying to get the biting point.
and somehow when it's about to move, the engine stalls.
i try it again, the engine stalls.
one more time!
the engine stalls.
and slowly the engine dies.
i feel empty.
when it seems like right, everything becomes wrong all of the sudden.

sometimes, i feel like i'm the only one struggling.
everyone else looks perfectly fine, they look alright.
they look like their life's never been better before and everything's good.
they're smart, they're talented, they're well-liked, they're popular, they're good looking, they're loved, they're rich, they're healthy, they're strong, they're happy, they're smiling, they're powerful, they're spiritual, they're leaders, they're influential, they're charismatic, they're blessed etc.
it's like they've no problems in their life.

when i look at mine, WOAH!
wow, what's all that?
sin? stupidity? faith-less?
hmmmm.. feels like a cold heart.

but deep down inside, what's struggling?
what's the dead weight that's holding on to your heart making it sink?
everyone struggles.
we all struggle with the same issues.
afterall, we're all the same.
maybe a little different, but majority the same.
at least the hardware God has installed in us.
you just need to open up and share, and you'll find that what you're struggling with is what other people are struggling with as well.
this i realised a couple of weeks ago.
it's your DECISION of handling that makes you different.

God, i need the faith size of a mustard seed.
i need to revolutionize my life.
i need Your guidance and directions.
it's frustrating to keep guessing.

though nothing much done today, i just feel so tired.
i don't know why too.
and i can't sleep well for these few days.
every night i'm haunted by my NOSE dripping!
but after water parading myself, i could fall back into sleep.
maybe because my sleep pattern has become irregular.
been sleeping at abt 2+am everyday.
and now the nose drip has haunted me for the whole day.

i still have unfinished tutorials, unfinished read ups.
argghhhhh.... economics.................
yea. i shall sleep now and wake up earlier to study before tml's lesson starts!
God, please let me sleep well tonight.

i kept forgetting things for the week.

1. i brought the wrong notes, on the first day of class!!! (didnt really forget anything here. haha)
2. i forgot to bring my guitar to pass to thomas on tues.
3. i forgot to bring destiny t-shirt on wed.
4. i forgot to buy a pick when i forgot i lost it. (probably still at the music stand in church)
5. i forgot to pass my headphones to thomas to help me do sound check before i left cornerstone for school.
6. i forgot what i forgot. hahahahaha.

ohhhh...........................

running at macritchie tomorrow morning!

i'd rather give up than keep struggling dangling.

if the investment is not reaping any returns, do u still continue to invest?
i will need to pull out and stop wasting time if it stays like that.
really pointless..
sometimes i really feel like punching myself.

if i don't help myself, then who will? (other than God)
therefore i must first help myself.

i feel so alone in class. 85% are girls, that's why i don't know anyone.
and just happened that out of the 15% guys there, there are none whom i know.

if i don't help myself in class, who will?
therefore i must help myself.

Econs, my evil nemesis.
i've never been good at econs.
it's either i'm stupid, or i didnt spend enough time on it during poly days.

i don't know anyone in class.
therefore i only have myself.

haiz, emo nemo sitting at one corner of the class.
God, please send me an angel.