I think I overdid it. Now I'm dead tired.
The night cycling was fun! But it left me feeling drained now.
Platoon outing today was boring.
End up only 12 pple came for lunch.
Should have stayed home to sleep and recover. Haha.

I think I'm starting to get sick of LAN games.
I don't play often, but it can get quite boring. A little bit once on a while is great.

Well, will tonight's dinner be the last my mum cook for the week? I really dun mind coming home every night to eat.
Tml she's not cooking.. =(
Maybe I'll cook some instant noodles to eat. Haha.

Things to do b4 block leave end:
- remake my driving license! I have been procrastinatig this for a long time. The place to remake one is so troublesome to get to! If only I have a car for the afternoon...
- get a new ez link card! I'm just so lazy to drop by pasir ris..
- get a new condo access card! Everytime I walk home, I'll just use the main gate. And everytime the security will stop me and ask "are u a resident?"
And I'll give him the irritated look "ya..." then walk off straight. Haha.
I know he's just doing his job...

It's such a pain to lose my wallet. I really want I back....... =(
I dun mind if the cards are lost, but the wallet..............

my christmas this year
not a very exciting one, not a boring one too.
but there's not much christmas feel to it.
it's missing the magic.
i tried to listen to my fav christmas song 'hurry x'mas' by l'arc~en~ciel a few times to get into the mood, but once the song ended, everything seem to go back to normal.
i still had the christmas mood during the church carnival on 19th. but once the unholy discontentment (book in) came, everything died down. till now.
can't seem to find the right key to unlock the festive mood in me.
i think i really need to go town and visit orchard at night, listen to christmas carols and enjoy the lightings!

i still rmb i had a chance to board the hippo bus ride to see the christmas lights at orchard 2 yrs back.
but now? nth very exciting.
except for Renewal Got Talent on 25th!
though my grp (CLAYWAW) didnt win any prize, except for a $25 voucher, it was still fun.
actually i wasnt aiming to win, just join the competition and have fun. haha.
its nice to be busy for something worthwhile and what i enjoy doing.
rather than trivial matters, like the army that drains me totally and hogs my attention.
i have better things to do! more important things to tend to, like God's kingdom. hahaha!

so after RGT, went home for family gathering.
then sped off to trey's hse at 2230, only to realise that he cut his cake alrdy.
and everyone else has a polaroid photo except for me. =(
he's got no time to entertain me too. and everyone was leaving.
so i went there to show face, then be chauffeur send pple home.
but after that!!! an impromptu late night supper with thomas n yiyi for some HTHT at joo chiat.
sounds sleazy huh... but actually we only went there for some bak kut teh.
wanted to eat the wanton mee, but i couldn't find it!
dunno why.

so, tt's my ordinary christmas day.
could be better next year. =)

did i say here? i took 2hr 13min 47sec to complete the 21.1km half marathon. =)
i shall challenge the full marathon next year!!

Do I consider it a blessing? Or is it a curse?

Bmt I was just one scrawny fellow who struggled to just pass my ippt.
Sispec days keep getting RT every saturday and still just an ippt pass.
Armour training finally got a silver. Not just ippt silver, but also the silver bayonet award.

I wonder, God is getting the silver bayonet a blessing or a curse? I was so low profile during bmt and sispec days. Now that I'm in armour I'm like flying sky high.

Posted to unit 41SAR, ippt got gold. Arrowed to attend APSC (armour platoon sergeant course). And now aft apsc, tio the ultimate: ACSM (armour company sergeant course).

I really wonder, God have you made a mistake? Me?! I cannot believe it. I don't wanna go to the acsm course. Because the arrows will never stop shooting at me, the arrow calibre will only keep getting bigger! I will end up totally burned out. I'm not even getting enough sleep already. I cannot devote my life, my thoughts, and energy to the army. I will die there.

God, is this a blessing or a curse?

*alarm rings*
*snooze*
*'oh shit! what time already?'*
wake up, brush teeth.
bathe, change, rush to church.

my typical sunday. rush to church in the morning.
in just a short brief 2hrs, the service is over.
and everything on the sunday afternoon seem to go into a ritardando.
for the past 1yr 5mth (that reminds me that i only have 5mths left to ORD!), my sunday afternoon had been draggy and slow.
time seems to be chained up moving slowly towards one thing: book in time.
it never fails to haunt me.
it's one damn mood spoiler demoralising shit that can only happen to NSF.
just when i thought i was over and done with this feeling, i'm dreading it once more somehow today.
with a nothing to do sunday afternoon (while everyone else is busy), my focus was shifted to what was waiting at the end of the day.
not even a nice dinner to look forward to before booking in, just like how it always were before my parents flew to thailand.
argghhh, feel left out..........
just feel lonely now.
thank you SAF.

it had been a real bad week man.
nothing much to feel joyful about.
God, i am sad.

this week had been a really tiring week.
firstly COS duty on sun.
next, field training and proficiency test from mon - wed.
live firing on friday.
RGT audition on saturday.
21km run on this morning.
i really feel so tired and drained.
but admist all these activities, i am thankful to God for His faithfulness. =)

1. no rain at all from mon-wed while i was having outfield!
u really cant imagine having to lead ur section, and at the same time teach those newbies how to fight and coordinate admist confusion and fatigue. and there was a test to see how well our section can fight too!
if it rained, everything would be wet, uniform will be drenched with rainwater and sweat and mud, morale will drop drastically even for the commanders. nothing will dry at all!
though there was lightning at night, and with pple saying 'wa, now tonight confirm rain one', i still held firm and declared that it will not rain because i've prayed to the almighty God! have faith and believe it will happen! true enough, it didnt rain a single drop. =)
not at least until wed afternoon while we were on the way back to camp!
but i've suffered some bites during field camp. on my hands, arms, back, legs.. my mum said its disgusting. but it's been there for 2 weeks! hopefully it might be an allergy. maybe grass allergy! haha! then see MO and get a down PES! ;)

2. it rained on friday during section live firing . . . =(
honestly i didn't pray seriously enough. so it rained.
proned in mud, get up run and prone again, get up run and prone again...
step on mud, get wet and dirty.
spent my saturday morning scrubbing off mud from my uniform b4 dumping it into washing machine.
but through this, God showed me how important it was to do things seriously.
how serious you are will be how successful you are.

3. RGT audition
thank God we got through to the finals!
though there were hiccups during the audition and the song is not fully done up, everything turned up well.
i was struggling to keep myself awake and my mind fresh and thinking, as i slept at 3.30am due to live firing and booked out at 8am, went home and headed to church.

4. 21km half-marathon
i got my first medal in my entire life! i've never received any medals in pri and sec school before.
anw, i paid to run this marathon.. so i must take the medal! kinda loser huh? haha.
but yes, i've finally completed 21km! timing should be around 2hr 10-15min. not bad right?
i still got time to queue up for toilet halfway, grab a cup of water and 100 plus at every water point, stand and eat one banana.. considering the time i've wasted i think i'm quite fast alrdy. haha.
really thank God for pulling my through this run and now i'm super tired.
almost slept during sermon and youth gathering just now!
calves and hamstring aching, wobbly legs, weak knees, closing eyes..
i just wanna sleep now, but i don't wanna waste my weekend sleeping.
so gonna endure till i reach camp tonight before concussing on my bed!

so though my week was packed, my WEEKEND (not weekday) was well spent. i look forward to seeing more God's work. =)

*parents and sister going to bangkok this fri-tues! the whole car is mine for the weekend! wooohoo~! =p

somehow as monday approaches, i'm dreading it tremendously.
in fact, it's the whole of december.
its gonna be long and tiring..
so long that my following weekends are getting shortened!
it's like the light at every end of the tunnel getting dimmer and dimmer.
i hate the forest, i hate the lalangs, i hate the dirt track.
this is one of the few rare moments i really feel the strong calling to ORD immediately to get out of all this bullshit.
i feel like i'm missing out so much other things in life just to experience the things i never ever want to go through at all.
well, i guess one way to comfort myself is to learn to embrace them all.

press on and endure!
block leave is coming!
another 26 more days!
ORD in another 160 days!

i literally chiong-ed a sua yesterday!
bashed through all the tall lalangs and vegetation for almost 1hr (the lalangs are taller than me and they can cut me like a paper can).
followed by rushing a mountain.
i almost peng-sun.
head was a little dizzy and perspiring heavily.
trust me, its no fun.
totally not fun!
doing this for day isnt that bad. doing at night sucked big time!
can't see spider.

it was my first 'rush-the-mountain' field camp after a long 1/2 yr break from it.
i really hate the smell of the vegetation.
it's a sick type of musky smell, kinda make me feel like puking .
and the scorching weather was a killer.
leaves u totally drained.
but nevertheless, it beats a rainy weather, which dampers everyone's spirit.
this field camp is just the beginning.
i'm not looking forward to the field camp next week.
distance gonna increase, terrain really suckss.

God bless my section and i.

this song never fail to touch me each time i hear it.
even though i heard it before 4 years back, it still moves me.
i hope it moves you too!

its terrible.
i've never been ill for so long.
the fever just keep haunting me.
it almost fried my brains with my all time high 39.3 degrees!
i hope i've fully recovered.
i'm lying on my bed everyday like i'm bedridden.
i dun wanna be ill anymore.
i cant eat well, my head feels heavy. and i cant go out.
that sucks..
i think the key issue here is because i havent been exercising.
since 3-4 weeks ago after i got my ippt gold, i've been a little lazy to exercise.
i think that's why i'm ill now.
i better start on a healthy lifestlye once i get well!
still got my SOC to clear b4 i ORD!

after the block leave, the long weekends, i'm getting used to the civilian life!
just being busy with everything else but the army feels great!
now that holidays are gone, training schedule picks up again, it's back to the screwed up life.
booking out on sat this week, sucksssss...

God, please help me. =)

well-spent weekend!
although i missed my coy's commander's cohesion night on thurs at pasir ris prawning and bbq-ing,
although i missed my platoon's outing on fri afternoon at orchard eating and being merry,
although i was very tired for the past few days,
it was all well spent!

i'm glad i played for the Destiny event!
it was really an eye-opener to what these amazingly talented youths can do.
i was really lucky to be part of the live band for the singers.
it was very challenging to play for them.
there were like 8 contestants to play for, and 18+++ songs to learn?
since i've been so busy in camp, i didnt even have the time to listen to most of the songs beforehand!
surely i was very nervous. and the first time i heard all the songs was on thurs afternoon, and friday is the actual live run alrdy!
but in the end i managed to pull through the whole event..
though i didnt play very nicely on sat (oh gosh, talk about my mood during sat: horrible).
i was so screwed up on sat!
probably because i was not v familiar with the songs and there was not enough rehearsals..
*heave* but well, if the contestant herself is good, it didnt really matter how bad the band played.
and really, all the contestants' voices were awesome!
not just that, the group's were fantastic too!
they've got the groove and the super hot screaming licks!
and they're all rich.. either that or it's their parents.. hahaha.
their equipments are all branded and fully loaded..
fender, ibanez, taka, 5-6 pedals per person (1 costs at least $100 cheapest, and goes all the way up to $500-600 and up!) blah blah blah.
me? just a cheap aria and a boss OD-20 equipped with sub-standard skills. haha.

there really is a big difference between hardwork and talent.
talent comes naturally.
no matter how hard a person works on something but has no talent for it, it's a total flop.
just like how i got 49/100 for art in sec 2. i just can't draw! no matter how hard i try, i just can't! even if u train me for a thousand years, i still can't!
but if someone is talented, he doesn't even need to break a sweat to complete the task.
hardwork w/o talent = wasted efforts!
talent w/o hardwork = wasted God's time in giving you this gift!
hardwork w talent = success!

as for the contestants who won the secondary and post-secondary segment, i believe they've got both.
they've got the gifts and worked hard on it!
so, where does my talent lie?

fucked up.
that's all i can say.

sometimes is it just easier to not care?
why are there some pple who possess the special ability to shut off to the things that they don't not want to receive?
probably it's a curse to care and think too much about things and end up you feel fucked up over it.
or is it a blessing in disguise?

what the hell am i talking about?

dear Lord, i just don't know what to do.
it gets very vexing and bloody hell, just feel that it sucks to be me.
not to say i'm very noble and do a lot of things or what, but seriously there really are people who are behaving like a bitch.
now i can really understand how it feels and what it means when you just cant work with someone.
not all things can be resolved peacefully with mutual respect and understanding.
some things are just meant to be avoided TOTALLY.

somehow, i'm just feeling sick and tired of things.
argghhh

the angsty feeling.

my two most memorable birthdays
they're both spent in SAF.
last year, i had a stand-by everything and ultimate tekan session during bmt because someone was caught smoking in the toilet.
stripped everything from my cupboard, field pack and duffer bag.
did some physical punishments and wasted my time.

this year, a 24km overnight route march!
so yup, my recruits sang me a birthday song at 0000hrs while on the move.
the rest of it nth much.
just endured through another boring march.
wasted my time yet again.
at least i didnt do a 72km march on my birthday like how matt did.. hahah.

so, how eventful were my birthdays?

oh how wonderful the army is.
the training programme planner really rocksss.
cos i'll be marching overnight towards my birthday!
can't believe that my recruit's 24km route march is scheduled to commence at 6pm on 4th sept at east coast.
so we'll be marching all the way till abt 1am.
it'll be a march to remember. haha.
probably by the time i reach 24km, i'll be too tired to do anything else.
half a day of my birthday is going to be spent in camp.

unexpectedly, this weekend is a damn short weekend.
late book out yesterday, COS duty today (now, hahahah), early book in with the recruits by 2000 tml night...
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr........
well, i hope it was all for a good tradeoff. =)

it's just been 2 weeks, and i miss korea!
after attending the prayer meeting at BBTC today, praying there is nth compared to in korea!
it's totally different..
even the worship feels different.
i can still vividly remember and feel the emotions felt during all the worship, how i was struggling with praying for an hour non-stop with the koreans at their church (after praying everyday for 1 week), and being enticed by the sermons.
singapore??
doesnt seem anywhere near!

i really hope tml's service will be good. =)

actually i'm feeling kinda sick now..
sick of all the work in camp, sick of the arguements, of taking care of the recruits, and of being overworked.
i really feel overworked man.
+ i injured both knees due to a 14km run last week.
i've been enduring a lot, yet feel unappreciated.
i hardly have time for myself in camp!
though i've been trying to motivate and encourage myself, somehow the pple inside just seem to take it for granted.
hardly anyone shows appreciation.
probably because its NS, and its all guys inside!
and no one gives a damn.

dear Lord,

i really had a great time in korea seeking You and praying to You.
it was really refreshing, spamming the F5 button all the way!
visiting korea was an eye-opener to how the koreans pray.
indeed they're persistent and fervent in their prayers.
it's amazing to see how much they can pray and have the stamina to sustain.
not only do they have the heart to pray, but also the faith to believe deeply the You are there hearing their prayers.
even if the things that they pray for may not happen immediately, God You still hear them!
and things don't usually happen instantly, yet the koreans never ceased praying to You.
they keep the faith and continue believing and spread the praying fire throughout!
it is just pure joy to pray and pour out our hearts to You.

and now Lord, as i continue with my life in singapore, i pray that the fire in me will keep burning and never die down again.
instead, it will burn even stronger!
in face of difficult times, Lord You are my strength and comfort.
in face of temptations, Lord You are my shelter.
i will keep the faith!

'good morning jennermen!'
taking recruits is just so tiring.
haven't been sleeping enough ever since they came in.
i feel like their nanny some times.
marching them where ever they go, taking care of their wellbeing, ensure that all slp once its lights out time.
scolding them when they do things wrongly, patroling their bunks at night to ensure all is well, making them do area cleaning and pack their stuff properly..
and not forgetting, bringing them to report sick..
it's the most idiotic thing ever..
and i'm putting myself at risk!
those fever cases especially..
but thank God i'm still healthy and fighting fit!

during these 2 long and hectic weeks, i've broken my sleep record.
sleeping 4-5hrs everyday, and forcing myself to wake up and work for the whole day w/o rest.
really mind over body.
simply damn shag.

and now that i'm finally out, it's time to get a good rest before i go korea!

and now soon, it'll be the end of my one week break.
once i book in, i won't be out till i go korea!
i've enjoyed my short little break, though the thing i craved for most was not accomplished: eating home cooked meal.
my mum's cooking schedule just clashed with my going out schedule. haha.
ohh well...

once i book in, it's gonna be busy.
cleaning up and preparing the big monster's (recruit) bunk.
i'm really looking fwd to how i'm gonna make my recruits maintain the high standard of cleanliness in their bunk.
maybe i'll make them polish the toilet bowls! ho ho ho!
i hope my man will not be problematic ones.

he just had to say it NON-STOP.
he just can't shut his gap.
it happens everytime, and it's always only him.
even though everyone knows he's just joking, he doesnt know when to stop.
he thinks it so damn entertaining to disturb me about it, but he just doesnt know that he's getting on my nerves each time.

e.g. 1
"wenqi, why u put me COS on sun? i tot i tell u i all weekend cannot alrdy?"
"ehh, u only tell me u cant do on tt sat leh.. and where got such thing as all weekend cannot do duty? if everyone tell me that, then who do sat sun? and i also never put u there. and anw that sun is confinement week, so also no diff right?"
"wa lao eh, u always like tt not fair one loh. i dun care i not doing. i go find other pple"
" . . . . . . ok loh. u go find urself. if got pple change with u tell me again then."

e.g. 2
"oi wenqi, y u change my COS on monday to guard duty?"
"the guard duty got changes leh. up stairs added more guard duty to our coy leh.."
"wa lao eh, u purposely one right? change me to guard duty then u do COS. i dun care ar. i gg to do COS on mon, and u do the guard duty."
"eh, i change u to guard cos u havent do guard b4 ma. i did guard b4 alrdy. so i try to spread and make sure everyone do guard at least 1 time. i'm not even supposed to be on duty on monday."
"u sucks la, u think u plan duty very big isit? everytime plan to ur favour."
"oi, look at the points leh. everyone also about the same. i try to even it out already. i also did my share."
"sat u purposely put urself on COS duty one right? so u can use it as an excuse to escape cleaning arms and washing veh and go to sleep first right? (totally not true!) u damn bastard."

he really thinks that its very funny to say all these.
and mind u, he repeats all of above like 10 times.
initially i reasoned it out with him.
and i tried not to be bothered by it.
but his voice is just so bright and loud that it's as if he's suffering from Attention Deficit Disorder, announcing it to everyone like he's the auction uncle at pasar malams.
in the end i got so pissed off that i just let loose my anger.
i felt so maligned.
i try to do everything fairly with point system and as much as possible rotate duties in the nominal roll order.
but still, there really are idiots like that who will have 'feedbacks' all the time.
and all it take is just 1 asshole like him to spoil your entire day.

i know i don't have to post all these here, but i just had to ventilate . . somehow..

"1, 2! GOOD MORNING SERGEANT!"
that was what caught me by surprise as i went down for breakfast on monday morning.

these bunch of recruits just came in fresh last friday.
their enlistment day was one of the most fun day for me so far in the army!
i enjoyed looking at their expressions.

the start of NS for some was: ^_^!
for some: @_@
some: ='(
some: !@#%

looking at their pathetic faces reminds me of my enlistment day.
it was almost like the 2nd worse day of my life (cos the worse day was the next when the lonely feeling starts to kick in . . .)

the enlistment day for mono intake (enlist straight to unit for BMT and stay there forever) batch seems to be more fun than tekong intake (enlist there for BMT, then post elsewhere).
well, most of the programme for the day is the same, except for one crucial ceremony: HAIRCUT.
haha!
their parents/siblings/friends will get the first shave, then after that watch their son/brother/friend get their hair decapitated.
it sounded so fun!!!
but the symbolic haircut for the tekong intake was lonely and dreading.
my parents have been ushered back to mainland right after lunch, and i was left alone in that island to collect my equipments and shave.

ahhhhh~
i'm glad to be past that stage alrdy. =)

so, right after they shave, they bid their parents a final goodbye before seeing them again in 2 weeks time.
as their loved ones were ushered up to the bus, some parents broke down and cry on board.
its not those big scene hoo-haa crying, but the silent type.
the strong silent type that expresses love for their son.
some told the sergeant "my son is now in ur hands ar.. must take good care of him ok . . ."
the rest was silent, almost all staring into blank space.
as the bus left for the mrt station, the entire journey was almost solemn.
i didn't even dare to speak much, except after they board and before they alight.

as they alighted, there were many 'thank you's.
i'm not too sure what that was for, but i guess its for something intangible.

meanwhile in camp . . . all hell break loose . . . nyahahahahaha.................!

i dropped my phone!!!!
the situation was complicated, but i dropped my phone into the engine compartment of my vehicle right in front of my eyes!!!
well, i didnt drop it.. it was my friend who dropped it.
but it wasnt entirely my friend's fault, neither was it entirely my fault.
haiiiiiiiiiizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
it couldnt be retrieved as it was deep inside the compartment where only oil can reach.
the only way to retrieve it is to dismantle and take out the engine, which will take half a day.
and the mechanics seem reluctant to do so..
unless the engine has some problem that requires them to remove it..
who would want to spend so much time and effort just to take out a lousy cheap handphone?!
it's no easy task..
so suck it up man.
i just hope my phone battery wun explode inside due to high heat (>270).
it'll probably just melt.
can't imagine my handphone melting.

*ahh . . . pain . . .* haha

thank God that i can take leave to go korea!
my OC initally rejected me cos my recruits are coming in on july, so i'll be confined with them for the first 2 weekends..
and it just happens so that the trip falls on one of the week i'll be confined.
but i booked my trip in feb!
so OC said 'ok loh, i can still say no meh?'.
i can sense that he is not happy about it.
cos we're supposed to be confined together as a company with the recruits.
it made me feel bad.
but its not the time to feel bad now, cos it's the 2nd time i'm trying to go for the korea trip!
spent $150 on deposit for the trip last year but couldnt go.
and this year if i cant go again, i'd have spent $300 on deposit and not go anywhere.

so screw it!
as long as green light is given, i'm going!
and i'll try my best to not feel bad about it and enjoy the trip.

cheers to making it to korea! =)

it's been two weeks and the front part of my feet still hurts.
and it's hurting real bad for today somehow.
ouch.

oh dear Lord, i just pray that i can go to korea this july.
please let my leave application be successful and leave no hard feelings on anyone.
in Jesus name i pray, amen.

finally POP-ed from the armour course!
woohoo!
aft 5 long months of training, finally a 3rd sgt.
now, it's going to be a new beginning of my NS life as a 3rd sgt.
i hope life will be better than when it was during training. haha.

friday night was my first clubbing experience.
honestly, it was super waste money.
went there with my army friends, like a final gathering for the platoon.
it's very squeezy to the extent that you have to push your way around, music was blasting, and all you do there is drink and dance.
i don't dance, so i was standing around watching my friends dance.
then headed out for drinks.
and thanks to aaron for treating me to this drink called 'graveyard', it sent me straight to my grave.

components of graveyard:
bourbon whiskey, rum, gin, scotch, tequila, triple sec, vodka, beer, stout.

it felt totally horrible to be drunk!
i couldn't walk straight, my reaction was slow, and i sort of lost control of myself.
i was hurling vulgarities at aaron for the drink and those words were like punctuation marks for every sentence.
then went out to the riverside and puke everything out.
remained drunk for the next 3-4 hrs. gosh.. it really was horrible.
i was totally left vulnerable. my friends took out my hp and camera from my pocket and i didnt even know!
they took videos and pics of me drunk and thought it was funny.. (it would be funny to me too if i'm not the one drunk. haha.)
had i been alone i would have been an easy target to rob.

total amount of drinks i had:
1 full jug of cranberry vodka, 1 flaming lamborghini, and the last drink that KO-ed me graveyard.

seriously, i swear i will never get drunk again.
it sucks.

came across some photos of my good old CUTE days.

in case u dunno, i'm the one on the extreme right, and deren is the birthday boy, my bro in between us and deren's bro,deming, on the extreme left.
i'm cute right?
or rather was cute . . .

that's my bro and dad.
think we were at genting.


and as we got a little older 11 years ago, deren become quite f*t. hahahaha.
and i became more toot looking..

a great long weekend ahead!
after 5 months of training at Armour Training Institute, i'm finally passing out next thursday!
it'll mark the end of my training phase and start of my NSF life as a 3rd sgt.

i'm glad i'm not posted to 42SAR, but rather 41 SAR.
recruits are coming in somewhere in june.
now it's my turn to have some fun with them.
ho ho ho!

let's hope i can make it to korea this july.

totally sucks..
i'm down with flu again.
must be the change in weather and environment.
as well as the dusty camp.

i hate this feeling.
blocked and dripping nose, sneezing all day, dry throat, sickly feel as if my eyes are going to pop out anytime..
and visiting the toilet hourly is a real hassle.
after drinking up many litres of water to find some relieve to the symptoms, i feel like my bladder is never empty.
wwwhhyyyyyyy???
why do i have to catch the fluuu?
grrr...

after 1 mth, finally i'm back!
it feels good to come back, but another part of me says i dun wanna come back.
i haven't toured taiwan enough.. haha.
i wanna take my time to walk through the city and it's street.
slowly have my dinner and supper at shilin night market.
take my time to savour every meal instead of rushing through it within 30min.

some regrets from my trip:
1. didn't explore and eat much at shilin. all i had was a hao2 da4 da4 ji1 pa2, a cup of honey aloe vera green tea and a mouthful of oyster omelette (how do i spell it?).
2. eating at their dessert shop. i really wanted to try their mango ice!
3. taking my time to shop and explore ximending. they've got lots of things to see! it's a pity my time is limited.
4. still had some leftover taiwan $$. failed to expand all.. haha.

some great experience:
1. eating the mee sua at ximending. it's a must try! outstanding!
2. pearl milk tea, pudding milk tea, papaya milk, and . . . Heineken green tea! haha.
3. big bowl of instant beef cup noodles with REAL beef inside the pack! singapore will never ever put it on sale.
4. the street food at dan shui!
5. shopping furiously on the last day doing my best to find more clothes to buy in order to expand my $$. haha!
6. the girls in the city are really pretty! well, not all. but they look different from the ones in singapore. a mega eye treat after 3 weeks of getting myself trapped in an all guys environment.
7. no sweat at all. it felt really great to not sweat. now tt i'm back in sg, i'm back to perspiring.

give me a chance and i'll wanna go back to taiwan again.
probably 3 days would be enough.
i wanna walk and explore the areas free & easy!

in a few hours time, i'll be flying off.
oh my, life's gonna be tough for this month. :s

had a flu since yesterday for no good reason.
and now it's slowly developing into cough..
probably because i've not done any exercise for the whole of last week. haha.
last week was sooooo slack.
i hope i'll get well soon, if not the harsh weather conditions will wear me down.
*arrrrggghhh...*

lets hope everything will end soon enough and i'll be back in a blink of an eye.
i'll miss sooo many things here.

I Can't Smile Properly
i don't know why, but my smile seems to become more and more fake.
i used to be able to smile at strangers and feel confident about myself.
but now, i don't seem to be able to do it anymore.

just yesterday, while i was attempting to buy stamps from the SAM machine, i didn't really know how to use it..
as such, i asked the auntie beside me who was queuing for the ATM on how to purchase the stamps.
well, she guided me along, and eventually i bought the stamps successfully.
but along the way, i seem to feel awkward talking to a stranger.
i felt 'er, ok thanks' 'er ok thanks' 'er ok thanks' all the way with a forced and tense smile.
i couldn't smile like i did last time when i was working at the Sg visitors centre..

maybe life in the army now don't really deserve much smile to it, that's why i can't smile properly now..
or maybe all my other muscles have grown bigger while my cheek muscles for smiling has grown weaker.
haven't been practicing on smiling much in camp.
haha, maybe i should start practicing now . . .

its been such a long time since i last sat down at my home's dining table in the evening on a weekday having dinner with my family, spending the whole of my day doing nothing productive at all just like my holidays.
such a nice warm cosy feeling.
the last time i had dinner at home was about 5 mths ago.

how nice to eat homecooked food..
i'm glad i'm having next mon off agian!
looking fwd to having a nice homecooked meal before flying off to taiwan!

finally, 1 extra is over..
now, maybe the 2nd one might be coming.
i hope i will never ever come.
but well, i have to pay for my own mistakes.

wenqi ar wenqi . . . why so blur?

a series of really very unfortunate events
what a week!
and i'm using tremendous effort to refrain myself from anything indecent coming out of my mouth.
it's really been a @#$%ed up week.
since the start of the week, somehow i had a hunch that i'll be doing guard duty this coming sun.
but i couldn't imagine how, since i've done 1 weekday and 2 weekend guard duty already.
there were many others who still have not done as much as me.
so i put this dumb hunch to the back of my mind and went for field camp.
little did i expect, something happened in between.
everyone was rushing for time, kept rushing us to fall in.
in the end, some things couldn't check properly.
so, my whole section kena one extra.
sounds like its our fault, but it's only partly.
the other damn big part lies with other variable factors.

the next few unfortunate events took place today.
terribly upset my mood.
i might be getting another extra for forgetting to squeeze trigger when i sent in my rifle.
but well, i only have myself to blame for being such a blur @#$%.

on top of that, while pushing the trolleys of heavy TES equipments down the ramp, somebody left one trolley unattended and somehow it just moved by itself as if it was magnetically attracted to one of the cars parked nearby and banged it.
to whom does the car belong to?
the PTI warrant officer...
it left me feeling very bad.
but encik decided to forgive us for the small dent we made on his car.
well, thank God for that.

to add on to my gloominess, all i wanted was to just take a transport from simei right to the doorstep of my condo.
just didn't feel like walking home from all the fatige and frustrations accumulated until today.
so, i tried to flag for a cab.
a fat lady went in front of my and stole one from me.
i thought "nevermind, there should be more to come soon"
waited for another 2 mins but none came.
bus 9 came, so i decided i shld just take a bus.
people of all ages swarmed towards the entrance and somehow i was pushed backwards..
i don't know how, but they packed the bus till the doorstep, and i was the next in line.
i couldn't squeeze myself up due to the big bag i was carrying..
so i gave up and stood by the side, watching those smart alacs who beat me in boarding the bus..
blame it on luck.
then, i saw two taxi, one went to the guy 30m in front of me (well, i didnt really notice he was there) and the other stopped awkardly near the bus stop 10m away from me.
puzzled from the awkard position of the taxi, i didnt approach and decided to stand still to wait for the cab to drive right to my front.
the door opened, and i thought someone might be alighting.
it was dark, so i was unable to figure out if there really was anyone inside of it.
then out of nowhere, yet another fat lady with a little kid dashed for the cab's open door . . .

i snapped..

but didn't really moved from my spot much, irritated and disgusted by the things people do and for my passiveness.

i started to walk away in anger towards my home.
thinking about why all these happened and what God is trying to tell me.
then i spotted one taxi that had just stopped, two persons came down, and one went up (me).

finally...

looking back, it's kinda dumb why i wanted to take a cab in the first place.

admist all the frustrations today, there was a piece of good news...
or rather bad news, depending on how i want to react to it.
i guess i'll save all these for another time when i feel like talking about it..

courage.
that's what i lack.
the courage to try new things.
the courage to do the things that i want to do that i've never done before.
the courage to accept failure as the mother of success.

oh gosh, how?

bmt's field camp was xiong, sispec's was xiong, wet and demoralising.
armour? couldn't have been more slack.
probably because it was just field training now.

the environment is dry and dusty.
breathed in lots of soot and ate mouthfuls of dust.
compared to proning in mud, getting wet and sleeping inside the forest with weird bugs and boars, i rather eat dust.
i hate to breathe the air of the forest (there's a particularly weird smell), the tall weeds and lalangs, and the fact that the forest is forever moisture laden.
hardly anything get remains dry.
so i'm thankful to God that i'm in armour. haha.
i hope i can say 'goodbye' to sleeping in the forest and that field camp would stay the same like the past week's (keeping my fingers crossed).

let's hope armour field camp will not get worser.

SCT = Shag Cannot Think

for the first time in my life, i've been awake for at least less than 40 hrs.
woke up at 3am on friday to prep vehicle for live firing, moved out from camp to live range area at 6am, did the shootings from 10am till 12am on sat, went back to camp at 2am, clean up and cleared up all the vehicle stuffs till 3am, debrief and all the dumb talks till 4am, slept at 5am, woke up at 630am for breakfast, reached home at 2pm, went church at 5pm, go chill out till 1am, and slept at 2am till now. haha.

really the longest day of my life with 4-5 hrs of interrupted sleep only.

the first movie i've watched ever since i enlisted: Red Cliff 2