somehow, when my days were more free, it was really free.
and when they start to get busy, they really get freaking busy.
everyday, from monday - sunday, there's no one full day i'm staying at home.

i feel bad that i'm neglecting some friends because i'm too busy.
but i have revisions and assignments not completed, did rubbish and couldn't balance my balance sheet, and ME is due tml.
naiseee.
worse of all, i am short on cash.
every month i have to eat a little into my pathetic savings account.
abt $700 left?
damn sian.
and i'm trying to save up, admist all the meet ups and gathering with friends, unforeseen events etc.

oh, short on cash is not the worse.
rejecting friends is.
i had to reject my friend's relentless pursuit of asking me to batam for 3d2n, or was it 2d1n?
and i really don't have the money.
if i eat into my savings for this, i think i will have to eat maggie mee every meal and stay at home and not go out and socialise and meet up with my friends for at least 2 months to recover from the debt.

it made me feel very bad when they keep asking, and i keep rejecting.
if i could, i will go.

this is only the most recent.
after that, other friends had discussions to vietnam, tioman, thailand, blah blah.
didnt help to make me feel any better.

super sian.

maybe i should start working.
but i know, if i start working, my pocket money may be cut off.
then, i'll be back to square one again.
dilemma.

no money, but i really want to go for the korea christian conference next year!
and i want to upgrade my pedal to a boss gt10!

hai . . .

sometimes, i really wished this year's christmas will be different.
but i know it's already quite different.
because its just 4 days to christmas, and i don't feel the mood at all.
i don't feel the christmas spirit or light-hearted 'hohohos!'.
the jingles don't get into my head too.
maybe, my head is just overwhelmed with all the issues at hand that i have no time to feel christmas.

God, how about some christmas miracle?
like money drop from sky? hahahaha.
or some love potion?

i want to say to myself: WELL DONE!
i've completed a full marathon in abt 5hr 30min!
i really think i'm awesome, considering the very little training i did.
the max i've ran recently was only 8km!
of cos, not forgetting, Christ My Awesome Saviour. :)
it's a miracle.
there were many times when i kept walking after the 21km mark.
but i just kept playing songs in my head to keep me going and to get the momentum to run.
by then, my knees were hurting, legs became cramp and i had to stop to stretch frequently.

the worst stretch was at marina bay!!!
that placed sucked TTM!
hot sun, no shade, and for that 4-5km, there were only 2-3 water point.
mind you, by the time the runners were at barrage, it was the 30km mark alrdy! and the sun was almost scorching!
not surprised to see some people get heat exhaustion.
they should have included a few more water points at that long stretch.

and for the first time in my life, I HATE EAST COAST!
but not as bad as i hate marina bay. hahahah.

kept spamming power gels, thanks to junming for supplying! haha.
i only had enough money to buy 3 power gels, of which 2 were given to joshua n junming each.
so thankful to junming for buying and sharing even more! ;)

there were times when i wondered why the hell am i doing this?
why am i putting myself through this?
who am i doing it for?
sad to say, i was doing it for myself.
i always believe that there will be an unknown surge of energy at the lowest moment when you are doing it for someone you love.
but anw, luckily my mum called me at 34km!
told me she has completed her half-marathon and asked if i wanted her to wait for me.
tt was at 0945.
i calculated, 8km more, and i told my mum i'll finish it in an hour!
and tt surge of energy just came and i ran.
run-walk of cos.. haha. but at a faster pace.
and i'm gald to have finished by 1100, the finishing time i set for myself. :)

and now, admist this busy week, i've neglected my assignment.
A LOT.
i still have 3/4 of an essay to finish and be handed up by tonight.
and another POA assignment to be handed up on tues.
YES, i am tired.
but sometimes i just deserve it.
it's really ironic how when we have ample free time, we tend to procrastinate.
but when our time is short and limited, we chiong and make ourselves tired.
and i shall say to myself: 'I deserve it. i brought this upon myself.'
and i feel that i've not put in enough effort.

well, time to get on with my essay!
God, please give me wisdom.
i know i'm a bad boy... but ...