ok.
this is my last 'dua zhong' outfield.
AI COY PROF TEST!
1 coy size against 1 reservice bn.
how to fight?
i dunno.
i only know its gonna be over on wednesday.
let's hope i die fast so i can 'pang gang' ealy! haha.
either that or chiong hard and kill the enemy fast!!
72hrs of pure shagness and sleepless once again.
i can only pray that time pass fast.

100種生活 - 盧廣仲
整個世界 停止 不轉動 很寂寞
走在海邊 數著 螢火蟲 好困惑
想要的生活怎麼有一百種
不想掉進這深深 漩渦

整個海洋 擺動 柔軟地 舉起我
孤獨給我 自由 猶豫得 好感動
想要的生活怎麼有一百種
該怎麼走 誰來告訴我 wow

每當我背對星空
抱著地球
發現自己其實脆弱 不敢說
當我背對星空
孤獨摸索
愛情漸漸萎縮 我猜不透
無邊的宇宙 哪裡有我要的生活

整個海洋 擺動 柔軟地 舉起我
孤獨給我 自由 猶豫得 好感動
想要的生活怎麼有一百種
該怎麼走 誰來告訴我 wow

每當我背對星空
抱著地球
發現自己其實脆弱 不敢說
當我背對星空
孤獨摸索
愛情漸漸萎縮 我猜不透
無邊的宇宙 哪裡有我(想)要的生活

每當我背對星空
抱著地球
發現自己其實脆弱 不敢說
當我背對星空
孤獨摸索
愛情漸漸萎縮 我猜不透
無邊的宇宙 哪裡有我要的生活
原來一百分之一
要在很久很久以後才會懂

i'm losing myself.
am i losing myself?
i don't know who to turn to.
where's the cross?
where's God?

'helllllooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo............................'

right, He's just here.
amazing, isn't He?

can You hear me?
can You hear my complains?
can You hear my discontentment?
can You hear my laments?

well, i'm sure He can.
then, there's nothing to worry about.
thanks.

outstanding.
3x extra for not eating breakfast.
how wonderful.
i kiss my april weekends goodbye.

revolt and go on strike.
i'm just gonna act dumb and say 'i don't know' for everything.
i'm not gonna care.
i'm going to play 'tai chi' and push all the responsibilities away.
i'm going to ORD.
not even hitler can stop me.

why bother working hard during weekdays when your weekends are going to get burnt anyway?
totally pointless.
i'm sick of my weekends getting burnt for live firing.
'tuang' mode 'ON'.
now with 5 weeks left to ORD and i've got extras to clear??
hell no i'll work hard!
near ORD pple clear off clear leave.
i near ORD clear extra.
how exciting.
i'm really leading the extraordinary pathway for NSF.

screw the people in the organisation who screws the organisation up.

FTX, one of the most xiong outfield i've ever experienced.
it's a process that is indescribable, it is one you have to experience yourself.
no mercy.
don't even have time to eat.
don't even have much time to sleep.
tired and hungry and smelly and rainy for 3 days.
by the 3rd day my eyes were feeling painful and gotten flu already.
beyond words.

i feel that i deserve to be promoted now and i deserve the pay for all the shit i went through.
mind you, a 3SG going for a CSM course.
it wasn't easy.
especially when i had no prior knowledge and experience in FTX while everyone else had.
among all the SSG, 1SG n 2SG, i think its really time for me to get what i deserve.
or even better, just leave me alone from now till ORD.
but that's not likely gonna happen.

i really want to just tuang and get a down PES and get out of all these shit.
just because i have a greater sense of responsibility = more work entrusted to me in addition to my normal jobscope.
maybe i should just become screwed up daily so that the arrows get repelled.
i'm just not thick-skinned enough to do it

university, yet another big headache..
should i admit to this year? or wait till next year?
if i admit this year, i would have to forego the korea trip in july/aug and forefeit the deposit to attend the bridging course at SIM from late jun - early aug.
if i admit next year, i would be delaying and wasting one more year. but i don't forfeit the deposit and go to korea and i get to attend the bridging course for next year still.
i really can't decide.
God loves to put me in such position.
can't it be more smooth sailing?

somehow, i just don't feel right.
i don't feel good about it.
i guess everyone will go through this 'fml' phase somehow.
seriously fml now.

i deserve to sleep and rest.
i'm running 16km tml morning.
good night to this defiled and twisted world.

=(