thinking back, my end-of-semester exams seem to have just ended yesterday.
and now, i'm back in school realising how short our holidays were even though TP's holidays are usually longer than other polys.
well, it doesnt matter.
that was the last end-of-semester 2 months long holiday.
i'm now back in the HUGE, crowded, lively and noisy campus.
given a choice, i'd rather go back to TAS, to the small and serene campus.
although TP business blk has many com labs compared to the pathetic 2 com labs in TAS, i still very much prefer TAS.
when i went back to school on monday, i really felt like taking the train to TAS rather than go TP.
really.
i feel like TAS is where i belong.
but just a year ago, i was complaining about changing campus, the distance, the com labs, the timetable etc etc. haha.

anw, i love the weather today!
not too hot, not too cold.
i walked to the station and didnt sweat.
thank God for that. haha.
if only everyday was like that..
unfortunately everything changes with time.

when i was on my way to church, i had a weird feeling.
maybe a heavy feeling.
hmmm.. like "oh well, its yet another day, another prayer meeting."
i dont know why i felt like this.
maybe it was the music i was listening to as i travelled. haha.
but i am sure, each time i dont feel like going to church, the more i know i must go.
i remember what daniel said a long time ago during youth worship practice when we were still having youth service in "fu tang" (subhall).
he said "it is when you are doing the right thing, the devil attacks."
the devil has no issues against you when you are doing the wrong thing because what the devil wants is you to drift far far away from God.
and when you are going closer to God, the devil definitely have to do something and stop you.

so true enough.
during the worship time, i found it hard to worship.
i couldnt connect with God.
there were many distractions.
honestly, the biggest distraction was the guy behind me singing horribly off tune.
i stopped and i prayed.
said "oh Lord, help me to focus. i know it isnt right for me to judge anyone. and i know that You should be the focus."
so i stood there, trying to focus.
then came this sentence "what i should VS. what i feel"
then, suddenly, i heard someone call my name.
Rev Chern called me.
he said "God is going to change you. new things are going to take place in your life. new plans, new changes. do not be afraid."
at that point, i was brought back to my prayer last week.
i was pondering about my life's mission statement.
and i was thinking about the dream in my life which i have none.
i have no mission statement in my life, no dream, no plan, no vision.
empty.
blank.
i need a vision. i need a dream. i need a mission statement.
and i remember that phrase saying that "a life with a dream is like a boat without a sail".
so i prayed about it.
God's first answer to me was Rev Chern's sermon during 2040 service on that sat about "Finding Your Destiny".
and today, God spoke to me through Rev Chern.
the first thing that hit after the Word was released was "Kingdom Builder".
i discovered a long time ago that i was to be a Kingdom Builder.
but i didnt give much attention to that.
today, God heavily reminded me and affirmed me of my path and His plan that i am to be a Kingdom Builder, financially.
i asked God "how? i dont really know what i want to be next time. my grades aren't amazing. compared to my friends, they're much better than me. so how Lord? how?"
God told me "how did david defeat goliath? it is not the strong I seek."
then i realised that only in my weakness can God's glory be shown.
i don't know how, but i know God knows.
He has a plan for me. He will prepare me.
when the time comes, i will be ready and earn big bucks to fund God's Kingdom.
so now, i must pray about this "Kingdom Builder", and work towards it.