what were u doing in my dream?

i just feel so ashamed of myself.

not just 1 night, it was 2 consecutive nights.

snapshots of reality tells me no, its impossible.

i tried to stop and i thought i've succeeded.

but hang on, wait for it wait for it ... ... NO!

i've never truly succeeded.

i want to get over it and move on, but i can't.

analyzing it from a rational point of view, we are just too different.

maybe i just need to be bitten.

i've never felt such emo siansation for quite a long while.

maybe zhenghua is right, i'm really making a big decision in my life now.

i need to be FREED.

i feel so bounded and trapped.

the ambiguity is killing me.

during my turning point in life, i've always tried my best to live by HONESTY.

because only by being honest and transparent in life, i can attain freedom in life.

honesty and transparency in doing your best to live the right life and to live you life right.

we are all weak, we all need help, and we will all fall down.

maybe i've been trying too hard to be strong and acting as if such things don't bother me anymore.

but, it does bother me. i just refuse to talk about it.

i feel like it makes me vulnerable when i talk about it.

and i feel so confused.

now it looks like i have some root issues to tackle. zzz.

maybe its a character flaw that i think too much.

i analyze too much and predict and focus on the negative outcome.

to think that someone who is always so positive in speech can be so negative inside.

but there is a need to be positive outwardly to quell the negativity within.

avoidance is not a good strategy, facing it is.

i need to face it and be set free.

face the risk of getting bitten.

*gnawwwwwwwww*

nowadays i like to say: 'what is life without some risk? it adds colour to your dull grey life.'